


Catalyst

by Asylum_Regular



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Depression, Gen, M/M, NOT a love triangle, Really Slow Updates, one-sided, possibly one of the most cliche things you will ever read, post FMAB, spoilers for FMAB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-04-27 12:11:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5048074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asylum_Regular/pseuds/Asylum_Regular
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was hardest to be in Central, to see his empty mailbox and the hardly used flat he never lived in for more than one night at a time. It was hard to hear Roy speak over the radio and see his face on newspapers. In small, far flung towns and villages it was wasn’t as common for him to hear of anyone named Roy Mustang and he liked it better that way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hit the Ground Running

**Author's Note:**

> So if you didn't already see it in the tags, this story is gonna have really slow updates. As in: I'll churn out a chapter maybe every other month. I have four chapters done already but I'm not sure where the end is yet so... yeah.
> 
> This work is unbetad, all mistakes are my own and I apologize in advance for any you may find. FMA, of course, does not belong to me and the only thing I derive from this work is pain and suffering and maybe a little joy

Roy was his everything; his purpose, his hopes and dreams, his light at the end of the tunnel (no matter how cheesy it sounded). He loved Roy with every fiber of his being and it just wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t show it. He wished he could tell Roy that he made his heart skip beats, made his breath catch in his throat, made him want absolutely nothing and everything at the same time. But his pride kept his mouth shut and his brain filled the space with insults.

He wanted the other man to look at him, really look at him. He knew that Roy was still seeing the 12 year old boy that ran around in a red coat with a brother in a suit of armor. He wasn’t seeing him; he was seeing his past self. It would only make sense that Roy was his everything and he was Roy’s nothing. 

He was 21 now. He’d put his days as Fullmetal behind him but he was still Fullmetal in a way. He couldn’t stay in one place long before he was itching to go again. He didn’t have anything holding him back; Al was in Xing, Winry was working her butt off in Rush Valley, and Roy… Roy hardly even knew he existed anymore. 

Some days he missed being able to do alchemy, being able to clap his hands together and fix whatever problems he’d had. It was mostly okay because he had a job where he could still put his knowledge of alchemy to use; it made him feel like he was worth something when everything else in his life made him feel useless. 

He had a mailbox back at his flat in Central and he had made sure to give Al the address. It wasn’t his problem, he decided, that his brother couldn’t stop to write him except on holidays. Except it was his problem. Al had left when they had been 17 and had said to be back in 2 years. It had been more than four and there was still no word in Al’s sparse letters of when he was coming back.

He didn’t drink to drown his problems, that was Mustang’s job. Instead he threw himself into everything he did until he was forced to stop. He’d taken to traveling, never staying in one place more than 2 nights in a row. He brought his work with him and talked to his team when he could get a hold of a phone so he knew what needed to be done. He’d go back to Central at the end of the month to give them the work he’d done before he was off again the next day, sometimes even the same day.

It was hardest to be in Central, to see his empty mailbox and the hardly used flat he never lived in for more than one night at a time. It was hard to hear Roy speak over the radio and see his face on newspapers. In small, far flung towns and villages it was wasn’t as common for him to hear of anyone named Roy Mustang and he liked it better that way. 

\---000---

The only depressing part of his job, he thought wearily, was that it was a government run facility he worked in and that meant he had to report his findings once a year to the higher ups. He ran the lab and it was his job to convince the military oriented pricks that finding non-lethal advances in alchemy was a good idea and that they should continue to fund them. This, of course, meant that he had to stand in a room and speak to the fuhrer, Roy Mustang.

The room did have other occupants but it was really the fuhrer he needed to convince because he was the man putting the approval or disapproval stamp on their funding budget. It wasn’t hard to understand, after an hour in a room talking to Roy, that he was shaken and wanted nothing more than to jump on the next train headed out of Central. In fact, that was what he usually did and he would have if Hawkeye hadn’t been standing at the train station to escort him back into the heart of the city and into Mustang’s office. 

He looked at the man behind the desk, wanting to run until all of this was behind him and he could try to get over his feelings for Roy. He sat when Roy gestured for him to do so and watched, fidgeting, as the other simply stared at him.

“You’re a very hard man to catch.”  
He nearly jumped at the sound of Roy’s voice but pride, again, stopped him. “I didn’t know you even realized I existed anymore.” He bit out, settling the man with a cool glare.  
“I assure you that I’m well aware of your existence and that you seem to be pointedly avoiding me.” Roy replied, voice smooth and seeming unperturbed.

Ed was glad that no one else was around because suddenly he felt all the hot air rush out of him and his pride died down and he sat, slumped, looking at Roy sadly. “I’ve been avoiding you because I can’t stand to face you.” He explained, eyes lowering to look at his feet.

“Why?” Roy questioned and if he was affected by Ed’s sudden change in mood he didn’t show it.

He didn’t respond, not having an answer he was willing to share with this man; that he was willing to share with anyone. Wasn’t it enough that Roy couldn’t see the way he’d blindly loved him? It seemed as if everyone but Roy himself knew that Ed had loved-still loved-him. “Why am I here?” He asked, running a hand through his hair tiredly. He’d worn it down today, having been too tired and anxious to deal with it.

It appeared that Roy didn’t have an answer for his question either and Ed sighed before standing, turning to go.

“Where are you going?” Roy’s voice was sharp, stopping Edward in his tracks.

“To the train station.” He wanted to leave, wanted to get away. He wanted to run because he was scared, scared of this man and acutely aware of how much Roy could hurt him.

“Sit back down, Fullmetal.” 

“That’s not my name!” He snapped, turning to face Roy. “I’ve been running from you for years and then you expect me to stay here and talk to you!” He leveled a glare at Roy. “You calling me Fullmetal is the same as me calling you colonel. That’s not you anymore and I’m not Fullmetal. I’m just Edward.” He didn’t shout like he’d been prone to doing when he was younger, his voice was steady and he watched as the look in Roy’s eyes changed. Then he knew that Roy wasn’t seeing who had been, he was seeing who he was now.

“Ful-Edward, I didn’t mean to offend-” The older man started, rising to stand.

“Offend?” He laughed coldly. “You’ve been hurting me for years. I thought you were supposed to be smarter than me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Roy was walking towards him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

He pulled away, looking up at Roy with hate beginning to bubble in his stomach. “Don’t touch me.” He hissed and turned to go. This time, Roy didn’t stop him.

\---000---

He boarded a train and continued to hop from city to city, town to town. He acted like nothing was wrong. He still did his work on the trains and never stayed in one place for very long. He didn’t know how to adjust his life to what had happened and there was no real way around going to central once a month. He lived with it and drowned the feelings that bubbled up in his chest every time someone mentioned Roy. 

The only positive thing was that letters from Al were coming more often but he couldn’t help the anger that welled up inside him every time he got a letter. Now he was good enough for Al? He’d saved a country, restored his brother’s body, and coped with losing his alchemy but somehow that had only dimmed his importance in his brother’s eyes. But when he ran from everything like a coward he regained Al’s attention. 

His whole world was turning upside down and he wondered what had started it all. He’d been happy before, running across the country with his brother but now everything felt wrong and he was drifting without a purpose. He felt like a ghost because it seemed that no one important in his life ever really gave him more than a passing thought. 

Maybe it was for the best, though, because he didn’t know if he could act happy for them. 

He really hoped that this wasn’t the beginning; rather that it was the end. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take before he broke.


	2. Catch Me if You Can

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ed?” Al.
> 
> “Edward what’s wrong?” Gracia.
> 
> “Why aren’t you telling us anything?” Roy.
> 
> A.K.A.: It's been two months and Edward regrets coming back

A little bit over two months later he finally had to return to Central to give his part of the work to the team. He needed new clothes and last time he’d spoken to Gracia she’d promised a hot meal if he stopped by next time he was in town.

By the time he stepped off the train in Central he was ready to get back on another train and get away. Just the ride here had been stressful and then someone was grabbing his arm and it was twice as stressful because Al was here. He yanked his arm out of his, now taller than him, brother’s arm and turned around. He paused and threw his briefcase towards Al. “Take that to my lab for me.” He said before breaking into a dead sprint towards the ticket office so he could get a ticket for the next train out of Central. 

He ignored Al as he called Ed’s name, buying his ticket and jumping on the train he had gotten off of not five minutes earlier. He didn’t look out the window as the train pulled away, just ran his fingers through his hair and resolved to buy a new briefcase, clothes, and stationery at the next town he stopped in.

\---000---

He sat, staring listlessly at the wall, in his cell. Apparently the fuhrer himself had sent out a message stating that one Edward Elric was to be caught and detained if seen. He’d been in the cell for approximately 4 hours already and his anger had mostly burned out. 

He was confused, so confused. He wanted his friends and family, but he also didn’t. He wanted the people he had known back when he was younger, not the strangers they had grown to be. He was glad that all but one sleeping guard were at home for the night because he couldn’t help it when the tears welled in his eyes. Couldn’t help it when the tears started trickling down his face. He kept his mouth firmly shut letting no sounds escaped him.

It hurt.

\---000---

By the time the morning rolled around he felt, and probably looked, like shit. He felt like he’d hit rock bottom and couldn’t go any lower.

He was proven wrong when the door to the police station opened and in walked the two people he least wanted to see. Fuhrer Roy Mustang and Alphonse Elric. 

He picked up a pick-axe and started digging his way past rock bottom.

\---000---

He was curled on the inside corner of his seat, facing away from his two traveling companions. Roy had been very clear. Either he came with them or he could stay where he was for a while.

He’d gone with them. He didn’t want to, not in the least. But he was fairly sure that being in that cell, stuck in one place, would kill him.  
Roy and Al had been talking, occasionally directing a statement or question at him, he never replied, just kept watching as his freedom passed by the window.

\---000---

They’d had to pick him up and carry him off the train as he’d refused to move from his spot by the window. He didn’t have enough in him to care what other people thought as he watched Central pass him by from his brother’s back.

They were heading towards Gracia’s house and a little bit of sense returned to him as he recognized where they were. Al had let him down and he walked by himself the rest of the way to the house, kneeling down when the door opened and Elicia came running out straight to her “big brother” Ed.

The nine year old now sat by his side, clutching his hand, as the conversation flowed around him in the living room. He’d talked briefly to Gracia, assuring her that he was fine when she asked, and said a quiet hello to Elicia. Otherwise he’d still not talked.   
Ever smart for her age, Elicia picked up on the fact that he didn’t need a hyper child bouncing around him and rather sat by his side quietly, just being. He was grateful for that and squeezed her hand in thanks, giving a small smile when she turned to him.  
“We’re leaving him here with you.”

What?

“I- We don’t trust him to not run off again. Plus, he’s been so… strange… since I left. I don’t want him to-” Al sounded concerned as he talked to Gracia, Roy nodding in agreement at his side.

“Big brother Ed told me he was sad.” Elicia cut in, reacting to the slight flinch Edward had given when he tuned into the conversation.

“Ed?” Al.

“Edward what’s wrong?” Gracia.

“Why aren’t you telling us anything?” Roy.

He clenched his free hand into a fist before standing and pulling Elicia up with him. He settled a cold glare at both Roy and Al as he turned and left the living room, heading to Elicia’s room.

“I said something wrong, didn’t I?” The little girl’s voice was quiet as she sat on her bed, Edward following soon after.

“No, you didn’t say anything wrong.” He gently pulled her into a hug, sighing in relief. Elicia was too young to understand what he felt but sometimes he felt like only she was there for him.

After about half an hour, which Elicia had spent drawing and playing with her dolls and Ed had spent reading, he put down his book and looked outside. He hadn’t gone very far and the train ride had been short so it was only around one. He opened his arms and Elicia immediately put down her dolls and bounced over to him, hugging him and giving what support she could.

“Wanna go to the café?” On one of his earlier visits they’d found a quaint little café that served good food and better desserts. Ever since they’d gone at least one every time he visited.

“Yeah!” Her response was enthusiastic and immediate.

He gifted her with a smile and stood, setting her down on the floor and slipping her hand in his. They traveled across the living room, ignoring Al and Roy’s questioning calls, waving bye to Gracia as they passed. He trusted her to explain.

\---000---

He handed the waitress the money, tilting his head in confusion as she said his daughter was so cute. Then it clicked. She thought Elicia was his daughter. Though not biologically, Ed might as well be her father. Ever since Al had left he’d spent a lot of time at the Hughes’ house before he started wandering. In the absence of Maes he’d taken on the role of male figure in the girl’s life.

“She’s not my daughter.” He brushed off the waitress’s apologies and went to collect Elicia from the sweets display, buying her the cookie she’d been ogling when she was distracted by the waitress complimenting her on her dress.

As they left the café he handed her the bag with the cookie and squeezed her hand when she beamed up at him.

“Can we go to the park?”

Looking down at her he sighed in mock defeat before nodding and changing course.   
\---000---  
By the time they got back to Gracia's house Elicia was tired from running around with a few kids that she’d met at the park and had ended up being carried back by Ed. He toed off his shoes and padded past the living room and dining room. 

“Ed, will you two be hungry in a few hours?” Gracia asked as the duo passed her.

He stopped, looking over his shoulder and back to Elicia who gave a small nod to her mother before they continued on to Elisa’s room. 

He slowly let her slip to the floor, sitting down on the bed as she set her shoes aside.  
“Eddy?”

He turned his head to her at the sound of her nickname for him, giving a small hum of acknowledgement.

“Why didn’t you want to move in with us when mommy asked?”

“I… I was really confused then. I didn’t know what I wanted. I thought I would be happier living in a house of my own.” He answered her seriously, she deserved a truthful answer. It was also beneficial to Al who was outside the room listening.

“Are you less confused now?” Elicia asked as she slipped the ponytail from his hair.

“A little bit. I still don’t know what I’m doing though.” He shook his head, blonde hair flying around him.

“Will you move in with us if mommy asks again?”

“…Yeah. I think that’ll be good.” He tipped his head back slightly as Elicia picked up a brush and settled behind him to brush his hair.

“Will you stop leaving so much?”

“I can’t promise that I won’t still travel a lot, but I’ll try, for you.” He let his eyes slip closed as she played with his hair. 

He would try not to be a coward, just for Elicia.


	3. Let it Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed closes his eyes and lets go, for just a minute, lets go of his love for Roy. He finds that experience is bittersweet and leaves just the faint hum of freedom in the tips of his toes and fingers before engulfing him entirely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel the need to mention that the relationship between Gracia and Ed is like a mom/son deal
> 
> (This chapter title is bad compared to the last two and I'm upset)

He hadn’t hopped on a train these past few days, hadn’t even gone near the station. Sure, he thought about leaving, thought about escaping when no one was looking. But Elicia was there, as he walked her to or from school, squeezing his hand and looking up at him.

He kept walking.

\---000---

Roy and Al had left after that first day, Al settling into Ed’s hardly used apartment upon Ed’s insistence and Roy back to his own mansion. They hadn’t visited and he strongly felt that Gracia had a hand in it as he’d heard her conversing with one of the two about his well being.

He probably should have cared a bit more that they were watching him like a bug under a magnifying glass. 

He didn’t.

\---000---

He left the lab during his lunch break that day as Elicia only had a half day at school and he’d promised the little girl that he would be there to pick her up afterwards so that she could come to his lab and see what he was doing.

By the time he arrived at the school there were plenty of parents waiting outside to pick up their children and he briefly worried that Elicia might not be able to see him through the crowd; he was taller than he was before but he wasn’t the tallest either. With a sigh he moved to a bench just around the corner from the school gates and waited as the bell rang and the kids came rushing out to greet parents and chatter happily about their day. 

He heard her before he saw her. He was already up and pushing his way through the crowd by the time she stopped laughing. Then he was grapsing her hand gently and took a step to escape the crowd but stopped to let her say goodbye to her friends before he started off back towards the lab. 

He could already hear the whispered questions and hushed replies as he walked but he didn’t pay them much mind because Elicia was telling him, very calmly, about her day. And the little girl holding his hand deserved more of his attention than the prattling women behind him ever would.

\---000---

Elicia, ever curious, had questioned him on nearly everything in the lab and he couldn’t help but laugh as she stumbled over the far too big lab coat she was wearing... again.

Eventually he ended up placing her with Ran, a nice girl from Xing who was working with fabric at the time and promised to make the girl a present if she left Ed to his work. 

He could only heave a sigh and direct a slight glare at Ran as he was all but forced to return to scribbling notes and alchemic circles on the board in front of him.

He made a simple circle for Ian who couldn’t seem to get the right symbols for the project he was working on, scribbling instructions and explanations to the side of it.

Another for Ran who struggled with getting the cloth to the exact shape she wanted.  
Finally another for him, taking up half the board and to be used for a present he wanted to make for Gracia’s upcoming birthday. He would get Ian to transmute it for him.

\---000---

It was around six and they were getting ready to close the lab and head home for the night when who, but the two people he least wanted to see came waltzing in. He wouldn’t have recognized their entrance if not for the small but firm squeeze that Elicia gave his hand. Immediately he was turning around, pushing Elicia behind him slightly as if they were a threat. 

To him they were a threat. He was fairly sure that neither of them was healthy for his mental state.

“What?” It came out as a low growl, grabbing his two co-worker’s attention. 

“We stopped by the house to check on you but Gracia said you were here so we came to visit.” Al seemed nervous as he spoke and Ed couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to the two of them.

“Only authorized personnel are allowed in the lab, sirs.” Ran called, stepping closer to the group of four.

“I’m the fuhrer; I believe that counts as authorized.” Roy brushed the girl off, stepping past her and towards Ed.

There’s movement at his back where he was sure that Elicia had been a second ago but somehow she was standing in front of the fuhrer himself and kicking him in the shin and yelling at him to stop making her big brother Ed sad. Before anyone could react she was crying and hitting Alphonse and asking him “Why didn’t you just write more often?!” 

And he knows that she had been listening all those times he talked to Gracia after they thought she was asleep in bed.

He takes one shaky step after another forward until he’s close enough to grab Elicia but too far away for Al to touch him. Snatching the little girl up into his arms and quickly stepping back to where he was before he ignores Roy and Al and everyone else. He talks to Elicia, calming her down and telling her again and again that he’s not sad when he’s with her. He’s not lying when he tells her and he doesn’t deny that Roy and Al are the ones making him sad. 

Eventually she calms down enough that she’s only hiccupping slightly on his shoulder and it doesn’t matter that his shirt is wet or that everyone is staring at him like he grew a second head, it only matters that Elicia is saying that she wants to go home. He walks past everyone and leaves the lab, walking silently until they’re home.

\---000---

Roy and Al show up at the house about half an hour after they do. Gracia steps into Elicia’s room to tell him that the duo are staying for dinner and that she won’t think badly of him if he takes Elicia out for dinner instead of staying.

He told Elicia that he’d try to stop running away. He apologizes to her as he breaks his promise and leaves the house just before Gracia calls for diner. 

“It’s okay; I’m going with you this time”  
He lets her order whatever dessert she wants at the restaurant.

\---000---

As they walk in Gracia catches them in the doorway and gives Ed a look that says she’s sorry before helping Elicia out of her coat and shoes before escorting the little girl into her room. When he walks into the living room he finds out why.

Roy and Al are sitting on one of the couches, looking up at him expectantly. He can’t run, not without breaking his promise to Elicia and they know that.

“Sit, Ed.”

He does so slowly, watching the two of them warily as he settles on the love seat opposite them.

“Brother, please talk to us.”

“What is there to talk about? How you hardly ever sent letters? How you’ve been gone 2 years longer than you said with no explanation?” His voice was bitter as he looked at Al before directing his gaze to the ground between his feet, glaring angrily. 

He sighs wearily as Al makes a soft sound of hurt, Roy murmuring to him softly and he begins to wonder if Al has actually been staying in his flat as he hears Roy’s soft words of comfort. The thought is only enforced when he glances up and finds their legs pressed together, arms brushing comfortably as they lean towards one another. Ed scoffs and the two look up as he stands, questions in their eyes and on the tips of their tongues.

“Is this a new development or has this been going on for a while?” he asks bitterly as he gestures at the two, his posture and tone the exact opposite of how he feels (cold and sad and alone, so very alone).

“Edward, we- ” Roy cuts off, looking to Al as he places his arm on the Fuhrer’s shoulder delicately.

“Since two years ago.” Al states, looking Ed in the eyes and he can tell Al sees the pain in his eyes because his brother flinches, again. “I thought you were over it, if I had known I would have never…” And here Al hesitates, and Edward knows it is because Al doesn’t want to lie to him, knows that Al doesn’t regret a single thing.

Ed closes his eyes and lets go, for just a minute, lets go of his love for Roy. He finds that experience is bittersweet and leaves just the faint hum of freedom in the tips of his toes and fingers them moving on to engulfing him entirely before reality slams back down upon him; leaving him beathless as it curls around him, cold and unforgiving.

He opens his eyes and looks at Al, giving a short nod, before he turns to Gracia who had stood to the side the whole time, her eyes on Ed. When she gives him a soft smile he shuffles his way towards her, into her open arms as she embraces him and gently guides him up the stairs and into the room Ed usually uses. She knows all too well how it feels to lose someone you love.

He is grateful as she sits on the bed to his side after helping him into bed, holding his hand gently as his free arm is thrown over his eyes. She says nothing as he cries silently and when his tears have abated and he is on the edge of sleep she tells him that she will explain to Elicia tomorrow when he isn’t there upon her return to school. When he hears the front door open and close he knows it is her leaving for the train station, to buy him a ticket for after Elicia goes to school and to some place he’s never been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we move onto actual plot development... maybe. Let's call it plot development. After this I have about 68% of chapter 4 finished.  
> Check my profile for progress updates on chapters.
> 
> Very, very tentative update scheduled for the 22nd (at the earliest)


	4. Two Roads Diverged in a Yellow Wood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I took neither

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came out of fucking no where. It's 2 AM where I am and I decided why the hell not. Sorry if it seems rushed, legit all major drama goes down in this final (FINAL) chapter.
> 
> Honestly though I'm ready to not do multi chapter fics ever again. Maybe after I become a better writer and writing 1500 words per chapter is a bare minimum instead of a goal. But as of right now I'm going to finish my Pluchellus Illusio series (snk, ereri, angsty af) and then retire from the writing scene for a while (again).

When he wakes up the next morning it is to find his bag packed, new clothes and all the things he will need for work packed into it neatly. It is, as it always is, 6:30 am when he wakes up. He carefully goes about as if nothing has happened, rousing Elicia and picking out her clothes before going down to help Gracia with breakfast, ignoring Roy and Al seated at the table. All throughout breakfast neither says a word, Roy refuses to look at him and Al’s gaze never leaves him. He isn’t sure which is worse. 

After breakfast he goes and does Elicia’s hair in the bathroom as she brushes her teeth, manipulating the strands into a fishtail braid quickly before she goes bouncing off to pull on her shoes and stands waiting for him at the door as he pulls on his. The usually talkative walk is quiet until they are a block away from the house and she tells him that she understands and Ed knows that she had not been asleep last night either. Her room is right above the living room and right next to his room so it would be easy for her to hear all that had happened last night. He stops to hug her tightly and takes her hand after releasing her. She doesn’t say bye at the gates of her school. Instead she turns to him and says that she will see him on Sunday.

He understands her meaning; she is giving him four days. It will not be enough but he is not sure how long will be enough so he will do as she wishes. He will be back on Sunday.

\---000---

When he walks into the house Gracia has his suitcase at her feet and his train tickets in her hands. He glances behind her and sees Al sitting on the couch, his face in his hands and Roy next to him with a blank look on his face. Gracia’s calm smile tells him that she has been telling the two of them exactly what has been going on these past four years. He offers her a crooked smile and hugs her tightly before taking the tickets from her hands and grabbing his suitcase. Then he is out of the door and on the street and the gentle buzz of freedom spreads with every step he takes.

\---000---

When he returns it is to find Gracia and Elicia waiting for him at the station, both smiling happily. He talks about what he did and saw as they head down the street and it is not until they make a left where they usually go straight that he realizes something is off. He stops and turns to Gracia and her smile falters before falling completely as she sighs. 

"You need to talk to them."

"We already talked." He murmurs, frowning down at the ground.

"I mean actually talk to them. Find out what happened and why. Then you need to fully come to terms with it." She explains softly, placing her hands on his shoulders.  
He nods because it is all he can do and when she removes her hands and begins to walk, he follows her.

\---000---

“Ed.”

He flicks his gaze up from his boots to glance at Alphonse’s pensive face and furrowed brow before glancing back down with an internal sigh. He’d been sitting in this chair for about ten minutes and had not yet opened his mouth to talk, instead sitting across from Mustang and Alphonse in the Fuhrer's personal study located in the man’s home.

“Ed, please talk to us.”

He flicks his gaze up once more, his eyes meeting Alphonse’s as he opens his mouth. “Don’t call me Ed.” his voice is cold and he sees Mustang tense at how difficult he is being. As he straightens his shoulders he lifts his chin and stares Alphonse down with a glacial look that he had learned from the ice bitch herself. “You have no right to call me tha-”

He is stopped mid-word at the almost feral growl that bubbles in Mustang’s throat as the man stands. Ed has just enough time to switch his gaze to Mustang before the man is on him, Ed’s shirt grasped brutally in the man’s hands as he lifts Ed to his height. 

“And what right do you have to talk to your brother that way?” Mustan’s voice is deceptively calm but the rage burning in his eyes along with the fingers still grasping Ed’s shirt betray him.

“I have every right. He hardly ever spoke to me for four years and took my once chance at love from me.”

At this Roy’s angry glare becomes clouded with confusion and he releases his hold on Ed’s shirt as he turns his confused gaze to Alphonse who has huddled in on himself slightly as if to hide from the truths Edward tells.

“Tell him.” His voice his quiet as he looks at his brother who immediately snaps guilt filled eyes to look into Ed’s cold ones. “Tell him what you’ve done to me.” he sneers, baring his teeth in a snarl as Alphonse opens his mouth, a series of confessions spilling from the younger’s lips as he and Mustang listen on.

By the time Alphonse has stopped his babbled confessions and justifications Mustang looks utterly confused, glancing between his now sobbing brother and Edward himself.

“Now stay out of my life.” 

Alphonse’s soft hiccups turn into ugly sputtering at this statement and only worsen as Edward walks past him and out of the office.

\---000---

It had been a week since his talk with Alphonse and Mustang and in that time Ed had sold his flat and fully moved into the room that Gracia offered him. He’s burned the few letters that Alphonse had sent him and studiously ignored Winry, Alphonse, and Mustang’s calls as well. The few times that either Mustang or his brother had tried to track him down at work or as he picked Elicia up from school he’d simply walked past them. 

But now, now Mustang was sitting on the front step of the house. Either Mustang had seen him or he had alerted Mustang to his presence in some way because the man flicked his gaze up to stare into Ed’s eyes for a split second that took his breath away before breaking his gaze and flicking his cigarette to the side, stomping it out with the toe of his boot. 

He briefly thought of all the work he’d done these past days to forget about Roy and move on. But this arrogant man had strode in and wrecked all of his progress with nothing more than a look. The butterflies in his stomach were harshly stamped down by the sudden and all-consuming anger he felt. He had just wanted Roy and Alphonse to leave him alone, let him heal and move on with his life until he could bear to look at either one and remain stable. He’d talked, told them what he’d wanted, found a sense of closure. But they couldn’t even let him have that.

His brow furrowed as he strode towards the house, determined to get inside without talking to Mustang or raise hell if the man tried to stop him. Just as he expected, option 2 trumped as Mustang snagged his coat sleeve as Ed attempted to pass. Ed whirled, ripping his sleeve from Mustang’s weak grasp and was surprised and confused by the expression he found on Roy’s face. It was raw, lost, and filled with longing

“I left Alphonse.”

\---000---

“I always loved you”

His head hurt.

“He was just a replacement”

His heart hurt.

“Just… Just think about what I’ve said. Think about me, us.”

He didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to think about Roy, certainly didn’t want to think about the possibility of… them.

He didn’t want to think about it, he tried not to think about it… not that he succeeded.

He let out a bitter chuckle, tears brimming in his eyes. Of course, now that he’d given up, everything he wanted was falling into his lap. 

But at what price?

The price of his brother’s happiness. The brother he’d given his leg for, nearly died for, fought for, bled for, given up his alchemy for. The same brother who’d left him and never once looked back, never cared enough to write. 

With the pros and cons of his possible decisions laid out before him, two paths that he could walk presented to him, Ed decided to make his own instead. He didn't need Roy or his brother. And after years of loneliness and depression in which Ed had been left to rot, it was clear neither of them needed Ed that much either. 

He would wish them the best, but they would never be a part of Edward Elric’s life again. He had people who cared for him, knew him as he was now instead of the boy he’d been as fullmetal. They never pushed him to be happy, never told him to plaster on a smile. Instead Gracia left his depression meds on the table next to his plate at breakfast and Elicia reminded him, even on his worse days, that there were emotions other than void. 

It was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup.
> 
> The End


End file.
